WHY NOT

I can't remember a time when I was this disappointed in my life. How healthy is this.? I don't know, but I sure don't like this feeling...

I honestly believe that I do not harbour huge expectations from life; for one my life time mentor has strictly advised against it, and secondly I completely understand that not all can get the best available thing. The later being a mathematically impossible and former being my motto of life.

But may be because I keep very low expectations it is even more difficult for me to except failures, or may be because I am not used to it, any which way this SUCKS....and I can't tell you what all I am willing to trade just to get this particular thing in my life.

I have friends and am actually blessed with few very good ones, all of them being huge source of inspiration for me in one way or the other. But right now I ain't wanna talk to any one of them for one they will divert me back to the path which led to this failure and secondly its just embarrasing...It seems I have been wrong all along....

I wish to talk to few people who have never stood beside me and not my friends, I know this sounds stupid, but its just I wish for something to go right in my life any which way. I clearly have no idea of what is right and wrong, all I am concerned with is output, I have had enough of sincerety and hard work and all stinking shit...now I need some pay off ...and I ask WHY NOT...

Sitting Idle

I am sure many of us go through a phase in life when the only thing one has to do is sit idle. Looking from outside this seems like a very peaceful exercise, or shall I say a state longed by many and achieved by very few after years of hard work. In corporate slums, as the old warhorses say that this is the closest thing to utopia. One is paid to sit and not do anything; the only expectation is to make least noise while one is sleeping. Well for good or bad, deserving or not, I happen to be in this phase just after two year in these slums.

Whenever someone asks me what is it like? I say what was told to me, that this is the best thing that can happen to one. However deep with in I fear I am hiding this feeling of disappointment, quite like reaching atop of a steep hill after treacherous trek and finding that the view is as good as it was from the start of the track.

When I share this with myself the question that pops up in my head is “Could it be possible that all we are programmed to do is to look for reasons to be unsatisfied”. It is like a big strategy by some twisted mind to take the society forward at the cost on very individual it consists of.
One a personal scale if I dwell on it long enough I feel that this is the classic struggle between ambition and peace. On one hand, we are expected to aim for more and more, on the other it is about finding a place of yours in this complicated task of living a life. Both directions holds a strong argument, I believe the question that remains is “when”. Is it more like following a certain path (aiming for more) till a point‘t’ and then switching your regime to another.

So what define success or failure then, is it just choice or there is no true measure of this commodity. I tend to agree with the later argument, for one this holds true for almost everything in life and for other it gives me a way to escape from answering the former. This also gives one a freedom to look for reason to proclaim our self successful against what we are programmed to do. More than enough for me!!

I am getting bored...

How many this thought crosses my mind in a day/week/month is one of those NP complete problem to me. Every other moment I am looking out for option and escapes to get out of this mundane life and get involved in some “Good Work”. I wonder if this is the state of mind of every other individual sitting next to me and for that matter everyone involved in a similar work setting or not.

I will use the term DTC (acronym for Destined To Crib) to refer to people in the above state. Majority of us belongs to the intersection set of corporate slaves and alumnus's from elite campuses. So all of us belonging to DTC wants to do “Good Work”, this encompasses the traditional characteristics like Cutting Ege, Tangible, Important, Itriguing, Challenging and my personal favourite Value Oriented. So in pursuit of this heavenly goal, we sweat hard during life time of training at those elite campuses, which in fact is the point where we switch our regime of ‘normal life’ to one with monotonously increasing pain.
So rigorous is the training here that we are more than prepared to trade “Good Money” to get a distant shot at “Good Work”, well this is our first step towards the real hidden goal we set out to to achieve, i.e. life time of cribbing. These institutes, I must admit, does a really commendable job in brain washing the amature innocent minds to reach this point. Sometime I wonder if such structure/ setting should be used in those extremist training groups across the border aimed at more tangible goals.

Coming back to “I am getting bored..”, once the members from DTC land up in place with “Bad Money” (remember we traded “Good Money” for a distant shot at “Good Work”), it takes some where around 12-18 months to realize the how “Good” the “Work” really is. With a added benefit of “Bad Money” we move one step closer to our real goal, lets be polite and call this state “Misery”.

With time we learn how misery is an increasing function of time and people resolve to various strategies, which include switching this work with “Good Work” in some other setting, adjusting one’s senses so that the real effect of increasing time and hence the misery is some what reduced. The later is supported seriously by huge conglomerate of tobacco and breweries, so actually an easier and more effective choice. But for those who chose the first option its back to paragraph one after a lag of somewhere around 6-9 months.

So one can argue that using the more socially accepted option one gets a respite of somewhere around 6-9 months, and hence it’s a better option. To all those who belong to this school of thought, I must remind you that in hope of switching work at hand with “Good Work” you have to chose “Bad Money” yet again. And the extent of “Bad” is relative to your current level…..
So after 6-9 month you are stuck with similar (if you are lucky) or worse quality of work with “Bad – Bad Money”. And once you are here, the only resort is writing a testimony of it in hope that others might learn and get out our beloved Destined to Crib club….